Hopefully I get these done this week.
- Clean my room.
- Paint the new room.
- Get new furnitures.
- Get everything all set.
And…
- Relax.
I was going to write this after my birthday, but I was just really tired I couldn’t do it.
New Year.
We didn’t really prepare much for this New Year, since almost half of our family are out of the country. It was just my brother, my cousin, my aunt, uncle, and I. We just made a little get together dinner for all of us. And plus most of our relatives are in the Philippines celebrating a much much MUCH better holidays. I really miss Holidays in the Philippines. It’s so much fun back home. There a lot more people out about in the street, everyone is allowed to fire their own fireworks, our block have a feast, adults of our block groups together for a drink, karaoke, and just fun time, and the kids group together to play, fireworks, and just run around. That kind of New Year is what I like. It’s really fun. But ever since I moved here in California, my New Years, Christmas’s, or just any holiday isn’t very special. I guess we’re so attached to how we celebrate holidays back home we just can’t do it here. I really miss staying up late on a holiday to hang with your friends. I miss New Years in the Philippines.
Happy Birthday To Me
January 2, 1995 the day I was brought to this earth. I just turned 17 recently, and I would say this year, I got a lot of stuff than before. I got a new phone, purse, my own acoustic guitar, and an external flash for my camera. Also my friends got me a sculpted Ponzi, a sweater, unicorn pillow pet, and a teddy plushy. Thank you! But it’s not about the stuff that I got, it’s about how I celebrate my birthday and with who. A few months before my birthday I was planning on having a big dinner at a restaurant with my friends, and another one with just my family. But that would cost me a lot of money. Before the month of December hits, I had financial problems. I cannot afford a big dinner. But luckily my friends and family understood. So on my birthday, My family and I just went out and hang. They got me some things, we ate, and that’s pretty much it. But it was special. Because this is the first time everyone in the house actually went out together. And that’s very rare because most of the adults have 2 jobs. Also my dad called just to great me. That really made me happy. This is the first time I celebrated my birthday without my mom. That made it a little uneasy. Because back then my mom would buy me balloons that don’t deflate. I have about 5 of those now. I told my brother he has to get my one, and he still hasn’t. That same day I bought flowers for my mom. It’s my birthday, but she’s all I could think of. I really miss here. But anyways, this year has started off the way I wanted. I hope it keeps it like this. All positive.
It’s December 30, 2011. Not exactly the end of the worst year of my life (or maybe one of the worst years) but it’s close. I am not very excited for this new year that’s coming up, it’s so different than the past years. The year 2011 was not the best. This year I experienced hardships that I don’t think a young girl like me should have experienced. Things were too much to handle that I was so close on giving up. I really needed a place where I could find a peace of mind. A place where I could just relax and be myself. Which is right beside my dad’s arms. But I didn’t want him to worry about me and so then i made a choice of staying. I stayed in this crappy place. I can’t find any motivation in this place. Nobody supports me, nobody helps me. I’m on my own. And it’s really hard to move on when you know every move that you make in this place reminds you of those bad memories. And it sucks being under aged. You have to stay. I can’t move out and live by myself. Even if I know that deep down inside me I have the ability to do things on my own.
If you’re reading this, you might ask.
What did happen?
This year, I lost one of the most important person in my life. My mom. It was back in 2010 when she started getting sick. It started with (what we thought) a simple cough that lasted for 2 months. And something that long isn’t normal. We took her to the hospital, she was admitted, and she had to stay for further examinations. And that was November 2010. After hours, days, weeks, of examination they said that she has a cancer. I was shocked. Everyone was. Then February 2, 2011 where everything changed. My mom took the stairway to heaven.
I am glad that this year is ending. I really want to move on and I want to be myself again. I miss being the cheerful, happy go lucky, easily amused girl. I know I changed. I know depression has gotten into me. I know this me right now, isn’t me.
This is not a suicidal note people. Just leaving the bad memories behind.
So 2012, please please be nice, be better, be good.
